from somewhere within
by noktah
Summary: todoroki/midoriya — Todoroki wants. He always wants.


notes: let's just say that i'm still practicing my writing skills in english and god knows what my errors are, so feel free to point out any error because i need to learn some shit o(-( thank you for reading!

* * *

i.

It starts when there is nothing to do. In between wide smiles and deep frowns of everybody, Todoroki sits in the back of the class, witnesses the Earth's getting older by the hands of the clock before his eyes sweeps over to one boy in the center of the room, laughing and there is like a different universe etched on his lips.

Todoroki wants.

God, how Todoroki wants him.

* * *

ii.

The splash of orange in the sky almost waned into deep blue when Midoriya offers him to share a desk. Their homework splayed across the wooden surface, one full of scribbles and circles, and the other one is just plain neat from the left to the right. Todoroki can't help but notice their knees sometimes touch and there's another moment of him wanting. Again and again. He blames himself for reading Uraraka's collection of shoujo mangas on impulse. They are giving him so many cliché imaginations that are so, so stupid—so, so true.

"Are you tired?" asks Midoriya, his pen fixed in one point on the paper. "We can stop if you want. I mean it's still four days until the deadline. We don't have to rush anything."

"I want to finish this," says Todoroki. He doesn't add, _well, probably if I managed to not get distracted by you._ "I want to get my four days' worth of training."

"Training, huh. It's so like you, Todoroki-kun." Midoriya snickers, low but still clear enough for Todoroki to hear. It's lovely how his eyelids shuts to relish the quick moments of felicity. "Well, then, shall we?"

They finished their homework two hours later when the hall has gotten too quiet and the moon peeks out from its hideout. Todoroki puts in his papers into his bag before he watches the other boy sleeping in content, how the moonlight loves to land on his skin and makes him glow.

Todoroki reaches out, merely tracing the tips of Midoriya's hair sticking out everywhere, and then, after a minute of self-doubt, he runs his fingers into the crown of his head.

Todoroki will find his behavior shameful hours later, how cowardly he is to touch Midoriya while he sleeps. But for now Todoroki wants and that is enough for a reason.

* * *

iii.

Midoriya simply wants to give Todoroki his usual morning greeting when Uraraka is suddenly stepping aside. She smiles nonchalantly at both of them and lies about her being called by Iida when the head of the class is clearly having a heated conversation with Bakugou and Kirishima. She's joining them after saying a string of polite curses in the problem of homeworks and the upcoming internship. Midoriya glances at her.

"Huh. That's weird," Midoriya wonders. "Am I doing something wrong?"

"Not at all," says Todoroki.

"Really? She's been avoiding me lately," Midoriya points out, looking dejected. He has a right to be upset over this: Uraraka is his first friend, the one who voiced out the uniqueness of his nickname, one of the foremost reason why he's still holding on. He has seen Midoriya's face blushes upon her smile, how they dance around each other, and really, if in the end Midoriya decided to slide a gold ring into her finger, he would not complain.

Todoroki glances at Uraraka and she catches him staring. She gives him a knowing smile, and something in Todoroki gnaws at him him— _she notices you, she has been noticing your feelings for a long, long time, how could you have not known that?_

She turns her head towards Bakugou, who is tripping upside down over Kirishima's half-hearted insults, fanning him with her pink book as if it's the only way to dissipate his boiling, unnecessary rage. Her laugh is infectious. Todoroki only blinks, then—oh.

Oh.

He's not the only person who wants.

Uraraka pulls him aside after the class with All Might. Their arms linked and it brings questions inside the students' eyes. She ignores them though, looking forward with steel eyes and firm steps, and then Todoroki finds himself sitting in the corner of the school cafetaria. The table is empty and there's so many students queuing to fill their stomachs with not-so delicious food. Uraraka looks at him, slender fingers intertwined under her chin.

"What do you want?" asks Todoroki.

"Nothing, really. I just want to know more about my best friend's future boyfriend," Uraraka says without a care in the world. He feels incredulous at her choice of words. Future boyfriend. As if. "That is if you decided to tell your feelings."

"So you're bringing me here just to ask me to tell my feelings to him," affirms Todoroki. She nods. "He has a crush on you."

"Had," Uraraka corrects with a click of her tongue. "There's someone different now."

His head perks up. "Who?"

Uraraka blinks before she laughs, loud and ringing in his ears, and Todoroki is sure the sound of it will haunt him until dawn. "God, you _are_ blind. Look in the mirror, will you?" she says before she leaves him hanging, lost and dumbfounded.

* * *

iv.

Todoroki is the last one to visit. It's midnight and it's practically illegal to be in the hospital at this hour but he couldn't care less. Midoriya sits on a chair, shoulders hunched and face slumped in the mixture of shadows and bright red lights. When Todoroki touches his shoulders, he can feel his body trembles under his fingers, a tremor of terror rolling down his spine.

Midoriya's mom is in the brink of death and he is a fucking mess.

The news come through a chain of messages. The teachers first, then Iida, then the rest of the classmates. It says: _Midoriya's mother is in critical condition. Possibly someone wanted a revenge on him. Please do not tell the media about this._

Midoriya looks up, snot under his nose and black bags under his brilliant eyes. He fakes a terrible smile and somehow Todoroki can't bring himself to smoothen down those lips. He doesn't remember if he faked a smile when his brother asked him how he was doing all years ago, when he slept beside her mother's bed, a fresh scar blooming on his left face. He was a child and all he knew was to shed a tear when you got hurt. His mother taught that.

"Hey," greets Midoriya, straightens his back. "You aren't supposed to be here."

Todoroki shrugs. "Thought you would like a company."

"Is that so? Ha ha, I'm really transparent, aren't I?" says Midoriya, wistful. "C'mere."

Midoriya reaches out to him, interlacing their fingers, and Todoroki can feel how cold his skin is.

"Can you kneel down for me?" He nods, kneeling down in front of him. Now he can see his face clearly, not interrupted by the dark shadows. "I'm borrowing your shoulder, okay?"

Todoroki's breath hitches when he nods.

Midoriya leans into the crook of his shoulder, nose touching his collar, breath sweeping over his veins. He expects him to be a loud weeper, but Midoriya always betrays his expectation. He cries silently, without incoherent noises, and it's creeping up on him. Todoroki wants. He always wants. And now he wraps his arms around Midoriya, one hand stroking his hair slowly, wanting to be the one who comforts him, wanting to be the one who stands beside him and watches him soar to the top of the world.

It's scary how much you can love someone.

When the morning comes, the doctor says to Midoriya that his mother is fine. She needs to be hospitalized and monitored for two weeks, but after that she is going to be really, really fine. The doctor notices their fingers, still linking even after they fell asleep in the most uncomfortable way, and she tells Midoriya that Todoroki is not a family member.

"He's my boyfriend," says Midoriya easily, like that would clear away all his faults. The doctor though just mouths oohs and aahs before leaving them in the hall. Todoroki's pretty sure the fire in his veins boils and his ears must be red.

It must be a lie, Todoroki thinks. And it is a lie when Midoriya mutters an apology to him. But Midoriya's touch, fingers tugging at his jacket's ropes and nose buried on the hunch of his shoulder and strands of hair tickling his cheek, is not. Todoroki stands still and hopes that this very second is not fleeting.

It is forever.

* * *

v.

He wakes up to a pat on his head. One eye cracks upon and the sight of Midoriya's lazy smile floods into his brain.

"Wake up. You've got a morning class," he says with a gentle voice. Todoroki sits up on the bed, scratching his head a few times before pulling Midoriya's body towards him. He pecks him once before he decides to coax Midoriya's mouth open. Midoriya complains, "Go wash your mouth."

"Nope," he says before he leans in again. Midoriya sighs upon his mouth and finally swings his legs over Todoroki.

"Don't blame me if you're late," he says, resigned, and Todoroki replies him with hands slipping under his T-shirt, thrumming along with the steady pace of his caged heartbeat.

Midoriya rests his elbow on Todoroki's shoulders as he kisses the upper of Todoroki's scar, trailing down to his mouth, whispering three words that has been repeated over and over again, like Atlas himself is not strong enough to carry the weight of those words.

Todoroki wants.

Midoriya wants too.


End file.
